Als u mijn geheim vertelde zou ik u moeten doden
If I told you my secret then I’d have to kill you
Dutch is the language spoken in the Netherlands and Northern Belguim. Holland is a state of Netherlands that speaks a dialect of Dutch. The 2 main dialects of Dutch that are taught in schools in the Netherlands, and the Dutch taught in schools in the Dutch speaking part of Belgian called Flemish/Vlaamse. Afrikaans from South Africa is also another dialect, albeit an older version of Dutch.
The closest language to modern Dutch is German. There are many similarities between the 2 languages. It is often said that a Dutch person can usually understand a German person when they speak German, but Germans can’t understand a Dutch person speaking in Dutch.English is also closely related to Dutch and there are many similarities between English and Dutch. It is said to be somewhere between Dutch and German. Beer is bier, here is hier, sleep is slaapen, Eat is eet and so on.
The ‘g’ in Dutch makes it very hard for any outsiders to pronounce the language properly and any beginner should be forgiven if they spit on someone while attempting this letter. Try pronouncing the words ‘graacht’- canal, or Groningen a city in the north without spitting.
Greetings & Salutations
Aangenaam
Pleasure to meet you
Dank u wel
Thank you
Eet smakelijk
Enjoy your meal
Goedendag mijneer
Good morning sir
Hoe gaat het me je?
How are you?
Nog een prettige dag [toegewenst], Een goede dag verder
Have a nice day
Ruik je later
smell you later
Tot morgen
See you tomorrow
Tot ziens
See you later
Veel geluk!
Good luck!
At the Bar/In the Coffee Shop
An de boemal zijn
Go out on the piss
Deze drank wordt geadviseerd voor hen die wienig bloed in hun alcoholsysteem hebben
This drink is recommended for those with very little blood in their alcohol system
Heeft u iets sterkers?
Do you have anything stronger?
Ja dat is leuk!
Yes I would like that
Prost!- Cheers!
Wat is het sterkste op dit menu?
What is the strongest smoke on the menu?
Wilt u iets drinken?
Do you want something to drink?
Welke adviseert voor een zware roker?
hich one do you recommend for a heavy smoker?
Explain Yourself
Als ik u mijn geheim vertelde zou ik u moeten doden
If I told you my secret then I’d have to kill you
Ik voel me genaaid
I feel shat all over(ripped off)
Das kloten vor de blok
That’s rotten luck
Ik trek het niet meer!
I can’t take it anymore!
Jij bent gek!
You are a fool!
Kanker op!/ Tief op! /Pleur op!/ Lazer op!
Get lost!
Klerezooi!
Hell of a mess!
Krijg je klere!
Go catch cholera!
Mijn vader is goed met zijn vuisten
My father is good with his fists

A typical Dutch coffe shop- Note that it says coffee shop to distinguish it from a cafe-Image via Wikipedia
Nu zijn wij in ernstige schijt!
Now we’re in serious shit!
Prettige voorzetting
Have a nice life
Zij is botergeil
She is on heat
Having a Laugh
Wij zijn hier niet om spinnen te neuken
We’re not here to fuck spiders
Ik ben een kleine hippy met een bloem in mijn haar
I’m a little hippy with a flower in my hair
Ik heb nooit een kat gehad
I have never had a kat
Ik heb broekgehoest met romsporen
I farted (coughed in my pants) & it left skidmarks
Ik drink om mijn sociale vaardigheden te verbeteren
I drink to enhance my social skills
Neuken in de keuken
Fucking in the kitchen- this is the most common expression a foreigner will learn and say to a Dutch person
Jij luit man!
You talk shit man!
Ik heb het niet gedaan!
I didn’t do it!
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Tot geuren-smell you later