Here are some common phrases that people say to get a laugh in English. We’ve also included some things that are just funny bringing it up in a conversation. So if you want to make people laugh, or you a the village idiot and need some more ammunition, here’s some for you.

Having a laugh

Are you pulling my leg/ having a lend of me/ taking the mickey?
Are you mocking me?

Beam me up Scotty (from Star Trek to leave where you are)

Build a bridge and get over it

Burning rings of fire /BRF’s

Don’t go there- (don’t talk about that disgusting topic)

Do not overtake overturning vehicle

Don’t pick your nose because your head will cave-in!
Said to someone as a nonsensical result that will happen if they pick their noseDon’t say no if you’d rather not

Does a bear shit in the woods? Is the pope catholic? (it’s obvious right?)

Drive the porcelain bus/ Worship the porcelain temple (to vomit in the toilet bowl)

Flogging a dead horse
Suggesting something that is known not to work

For Sale: One set of morals never been used

Get your lawyers to ring my lawyers. We’ll do lunch

He has a face only a mother could love

Hey you Mr.Farty Pants

Hippies say they want to change the world but all they do is smoke pot & smell bad- Eric Cartman

His mullet sticks out like dogs balls
His bad haircut can be spotted from a mile away

I brush my teeth once a month whether I need to or not

I could tell you my secret but then I’d have to kill you

I did it accidentally on-purpose

If the river runs red take the dirt track instead

If you don’t like me then you don’t like yourself & you’re a hippy.

If you’re a good little munchkin I’ll buy you a drink
If you’re a good person I’ll……

I know Jack Shit (to know nothing)

I laughed my head off/ pissed myself laughing
To have uncontrolable laughing

I’m a flatulent bystander

I’m going nowhere fast

I’m going to have to defenstrate you (to throw someone out a window)

I’m going to see a man about a dog (to go to another discreet destination without any explanation)

I’m happy that you’re happy

I’m not just a pretty face (to tell someone that you are multi-skilled)

I’m the thought police. You’re thinking wrong!

I’m not touching that with a 10ft pole

Information overload

I see said the blind man, who was reading to his deaf son.

I suffer from halitosis (a medical term for bad breath)

I used to be indecisive, but now I’m just not sure

I’ve got a thirst that can kill a camel

I’ve got a hunger that could kill an Ethiopian

Liar liar pants on fire (children say this when they think someone is lying)

May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits

Magic happens- So does shit!

Maybe you weren’t holding your tongue right
When something didn’t work and there is no reasonable explanation why

My shit don’t stink (I’m the greatest)

Now you guys are really getting down to your base chakra (hippy talk)

Now we’re cooking with gas (now thinks are moving in a forward direction)

$2 sucky fucky boom boom, love you long-time (said by Asian prostitutes in movies)

Party pooper

Procrastination is the thief of time.

Pull yourself together (get your emotions under control again)

Pushing out zzz’s/sleeping

Reality is for people who can’t handle drugs. Or is the truth, Drugs are for people who can’t handle reality?

Shit will hit the fan

Sorry but  karma just ran over your dogma

Sticks & stones may break my bones but whips & chains excite me

That’s creamy goodness (a job or thing well done)

There are 2 things in this world that smell of fish. One of them is fish

There is a method to your madness

This does not compute (when a robot doesn’t understand)

Thou shalt not spill thy beer

Thou shalt not spill thy seed

Way too much information

We’re all adults here, aren’t we Mr.Poopy Pants? (Lesly Nielsen- a poopy pants is an insult amongst children, so it’s really not insulting)

What’s the difference between a bitch and a slut? A slut fucks everyone, and a bitch fucks everyone but you.

When pigs fly

Who cut the cheese?

Who’s your partner in crime?

Why do you ask 2 dogs fucking? (this is asked when you are wondering why someone would ask such a question)

Why? Because ‘y’ is a bent letter & it can’t be straightened.

Why is abbreviation such a long word?

You’re as funny as a fart in a spacesuit

You have the concentration span of an idiot/housebrick

You’re not as dumb as you look

You’re tripping on hard drugs!

You son of a motherless goat

You think the sun shines out of your arse

I’m not just a pretty face- to suggest that you have more than one talent

I’m not as dumb as I look
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